THOUGHTS

"Come here, he motioned, his hand on red satin. Come here to me now. Don't be afraid. I would never hurt you." She moved toward the bed. He touched her face. His hands were hot next to the coolness of her skin."Undress for me. I want to see all of you".

She let her top fall to the floor. He touched her breasts. She was surprised how quickly he aroused her desires. Her nipples hardened. "I love the way your body temperature changes, he whispered, running his hands through her hair. I love your hair, so soft, so silky. I love you. I love the way you love me, the way you make me feel. The way you always show me. Show me again, now," he said.
Thoughts: "You have total control she thought. I want to belong to you. I want you to need me the way I need you. I want to be the woman you want me to be. Her words were silent. Take me, take me now she thought. I want to feel you deep inside me. Your love makes me complete... "I want to see all of you," he said.
She sat on red satin sheets and slowly, shyly, exposed bare naked skin. He tilted her face upward. "Don't close you eyes. Look at me." She met his stare. "Aghh..lovely doe eyes. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?"
Thoughts: "Beautiful..You make me feel beautiful. That is a word I have shunned. Beauty is an object to hurt. How will you compare me to others you have loved? Will I meet your expectations?" How frail she felt next to him. You..you..she thought, are the beautiful one. I want to please only you. Help me, help please. Teach me to love again." 

He reached and took her fingers away from her mouth. .."Aghh.. I love when you do that, guiding her hand down, gently down between his open legs. She could feel his hardness, his manhood growing even more between her long fingers. She could feel his strength, his own passion and she shivered in anticipation.
Thoughts: "Hurt me..hurt me. I don't deserve your love. When will you leave? Leave me broken hearted, discarded and unloved once again? How can I stand to lose you, you whom I never expected to come into my world? You have been a fantasy until now, are you for real? Am I an object to be played with, then tossed aside? How can you even begin to understand the complex side of love when you have not even come near the hurtful, painful side? Have you ever wiped away a blood stained tear?"

The candle flickered softly, illuminating the room and the silk scarf he held in one hand. "Come here, he said, and let me cover your eyes, so that you may see your heart and trust it's feelings. I am not here for my own selfish pleasures, but to fulfill your long lost yearnings, your own desires of a safe haven, a place your soul can rest at ease and know the joy of true passion.
Thoughts: "Caress me in darkness for blackness is all I know. How can I trust when trust has always been just another word?" She wanted to trust, needed to, but those words were all so familiar, heard throughout a lifetime of deceit. The chains, they rattle though they are invisible. Hesitantly, she came to him, wanting to trust, needing to .Was not trust part of love?
The silk scarf was cool. She squinted, not wanting the light of reality. He traced the contour of her mouth, her lips. "So soft, he whispered. Kiss me, I want to feel your tongue making love to me." He pulled her close to him. Later his penetration was like an explosion. Anti-matter and matter colliding, producing the energy of life. Somewhere during the night the candle died out and darkness gradually became light. The sound of birds sang to the dawning of a new day. She smiled.
"Aghh, there is that smile I love so much," he said. 
Thoughts: "It is your smile that ignites me, your caress. I have allowed you to become embedded deep within my body and mind. My hunger oozes for your every command and I have given myself, my freedom, my identity to you willingly. Can you feel my fear?"

The softness of the silk scarf lay now between her thighs. How vulnerable she was, legs open, her sex revealed. How quickly she had become accustomed to his familiarity.
"Get up now, he said. Let me look at you one more time. 
Thoughts, One more time, he had said. He was leaving she knew. Trust was just another word. How difficult it was to breathe, to live. His strong thick fingers led her to the open shower, He continued to touch her, lingering for just one moment between her thighs, sighing, turned the water on. She stepped inside. The steaming hot water was cold compared to the passion of the night. The water trickled over her, mingled with her tears, as she heard the front door opening and closing shut. He was gone.

Wrapped in a soft velvet towel she stood over the bed, so empty now, like her heart. Holding black stockings in her hand, she picked up the cosmetic bag. Inside the contents consisted of a pale light blush and a light pink lipgloss. She touched her breasts, where his hands had been not so long ago. She felt a numbness she could not penetrate.
Thoughts: The final certainty was that she had trusted. Here I am, but no one can see me. Here I am, no one can hear me. I am invisible. A single tear ran down her cheek. So many thoughts came to mind. Thoughts of a lifetime past... Funny now she should remember, the day someone else had discovered the yellow birds in the tree and shared his discovery with her. She had never seen yellow birds adorn those trees ever before and she had thought, all things are new, but the following spring she never saw the birds again.Why did this all seem the same?

In the distant room she could now hear the tick- ticking of the huge grandfather clock. She dropped the silk black stockings onto the empty bed, the cosmetic bag tumbled and spilled onto the floor and the huge grandfather clock chimed loudly its final death toll.

Written in Memory…
Ginny Brancato (Fificat)